On friday I experienced my first ever ‘night out’ as a completely sober woman – let’s just say everything looked a tad more bizarre with the clearer vision!
I have rather blurred memories of my former drunken student life 4 months ago- a haze of shots, more shots, and then more shots… dancing like you’ve just escaped from an asylum for the clinically insane, countless pervy men, and the kind of music that one seems to love when intoxicated, but otherwise would consider it as a hideous aversion to the ears.
Knowing full well that, without my usual intake of alcohol, the whole experienced would be slightly altered. I braced myself for what was to come!
As you can imagine, I was right. The floor seemed stickier, the walls dripping wet from the sweaty, thick air. Looking around the room to see the crowds of people in varying levels of drunk- those literally hanging off the rails, both real and imaginary, clinging to their friends, shouting and slurring obscenities, grinding and thrusting on members of the opposite sex. All whilst attempting to sing along to the music of what appeared to be the same generic song on repeat; mostly consisting of a heavy base line, a woman moaning, and a rapper talking about a random of mix of everything from Tesco shopping bags to ‘big booty bitches’.
Truth be told, it was HILARIOUS.
Very much like a zoo after dark, wild animals let loose, and smelling a bit like excrements.
Of course I had to join in- one can’t resist a good boogie opportunity, and I most likely still gave off the impression of a mentally unstable being. Busting the classic over-dramatic dad-like dance moves, all the while tactically avoiding the gropes of preying males, slightly greasy looking, most definitely underage, possibly drooling and somehow thinking its perfectly acceptable to squeeze your bottom as you walk past – *angry inner feminist frowns*
However, despite the unusual surroundings, all in all I did have a fun time with my friends!
Though for a little while at least, I may stick to grooving to Billy Ocean in the comfort of my own bedroom…
The Road to Ridiculous 